The walk through Kabalagala to the taxi stop is defined by smell. Diesel fumes infused with dust mix with the smoky aroma of chickens roasting whole beside the road.
Street venders cook the chicken, kabobs of beef or lamb, and chapattis in the gathering dusk. School boys trod home, their navy blue uniforms distinguishing them from the rest of the throng; an escari walks purposefully down the road, gun slung over his shoulder; “ma-dam, ma-dam,” boda boda drivers call as we pass, sitting atop their motorcycles and hoping we want a lift.
Today marks exactly one week since I arrived in Uganda and already I have established a weekday routine.
Each day begins at 5:50 with a quick bowl of cornflakes and a frantic dash down the rocky hill to catch a ride with Michael (our neighbor who works for MTN not too far away from Monitor Publications).
At work, I read my Bible and do some writing before everyone arrives. Zoe and I read the day’s paper as the staff comes in and then we all gather together for the morning news meeting at 8:30.
Each day is different, but always interesting. If I’m at the office during lunchtime, I eat a traditional Ugandan lunch in the canteen downstairs, and if I’m not, I either don’t eat or I grab something in town. We usually finish work between 5 and 5:30 and arrive home sometime after 6.
After dinner (sometimes we cook together, other times we each make something small for ourselves), Penny turns on a Mexican soap opera (she’s addicted!). Nights are short because I go to bed so early!
On Wednesday, I went to Parliament and sat in on a meeting for the committee of Presidential Affairs. The next day, Gerald and I’s story (“MPs feather Hajj Kigongo’s retirement nest, approve perks”) made the second page!
http://www.monitor.co.ug/artman/publish/news/MPs_feather_Hajj_Kigongo_s_retirement_nest_approve_perks_87023.shtml
On Thursday, I went to a features meeting for the weekly insert section, “Full Woman.” Filled with fashion tips, dating and parenting advice, and features on women’s issues, “Full Woman,” appears in every Saturday’s paper.
I narrowly missed being assigned a story on “parenting tips,” and walked away instead with assignments to write a feature on infertility in Uganda, do a vox pox section interviewing women at Makerere University about their feelings on the 1.5 point system (affirmative action) for women going into higher education, and write a personal piece on – wait for it – long distance relationships. :)
I spent the rest of the day in the office, calling clinics in Kampala (and reaching no one), working on the personal piece, and getting approval for a Monitor email address from HR.
Friday (besides being the day Michael Jackson died – due to be the front page story of the Monitor tomorrow!) was the United Nations International day in support of torture victims. Activists marched from Kololo airstrip to the Railway Grounds and where they had an assortment of speakers and events commemorating the day. I covered it with Faridah Kulabako, another reporter at the Monitor. Hopefully the story will make the Sunday paper.
I have never been so in tune with the news. Each morning, I greedily read the paper (the online version can be found at http://www.monitor.co.ug/), absorbing the issues and a little more of the culture – and searching eagerly for my name. One of the other reporters says that journalism is addictive and it truly is. I get an adrenaline rush from seeing my name in print and when I do, I just want to see it again and again. :)
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Check out my first news article (shared byline with Isaac) at:
http://www.monitor.co.ug/artman/publish/news/Minister_wants_public_servants_to_report_to_work_at_7am_86965.shtml
It's about three paragraphs shorter than what we originally wrote and the editors changed some of the wording (including a little of what's in direct quotes!?), but I guess that's my first lesson in relinquishing control and working with editors. :)
http://www.monitor.co.ug/artman/publish/news/Minister_wants_public_servants_to_report_to_work_at_7am_86965.shtml
It's about three paragraphs shorter than what we originally wrote and the editors changed some of the wording (including a little of what's in direct quotes!?), but I guess that's my first lesson in relinquishing control and working with editors. :)
Working Days
I feel like I’ve lived a week in the last two days.
It took us an hour and fifteen minutes to get to work on our first day. Turns out there’s a lot of traffic going into Kampala at 7:30AM and even though our taxi (matatu, packed van) driver tried valiantly to pass as many cars as possible on the side of the road before cutting back into the slow-moving traffic (and then repeating the process), it still took us 30 minutes to drive what should have taken 5.
At Monitor Publications, we met Charles (the political editor who has been our contact in setting up this internship) who introduced us around and then left us with a senior reporter while he finished up some work. The reporter gave us copies of the day’s paper and then took us upstairs to meet the feature editors and writers. Flora (the editor of the weekly section “Full Woman”) sent us into the library to read old copies of the paper and get a feel for the different sections. I read through December 2007 and it was interesting to read about Kenya’s last elections from a Ugandan perspective.
Later, we met with Carol, the Features Editor, and talked more about the daily inserts and the features sections. Charles introduced to some more people and then announced that today he was too busy to take us to HR so we could leave for the day.
It was 12:40 so Zoe and I grabbed lunch at a small Ethiopian restaurant ($2 each for a meal and soda) on our long walk back to Kabalagaba and then caught a taxi to the Super Supermarket (the only landmark we know near to our road).
Today we caught a ride with a neighbor who works in town. He leaves at 6:30AM and since we didn’t have to walk or sit in traffic, we were at work at 6:49. We don’t need to be there until the daily news meeting at 8:30, so we had some time to kill. Looks like we can either spend an hour and fifteen minutes walking/taking a taxi/walking some more each morning or catch a ride with Michael and get to work super early but then have some personal reading/writing time before work…for now, we’re going to go with the early trip.
Everyone comes into work and reads the day’s paper first thing. At 8:30 all of the reporters, editors, and photographers piled into the newsroom to discuss the day’s stories and compare them to the competing paper (New Vision). Charles led the meeting and had a smart perspective on every issue; I’m so impressed by him! After we went through the paper, everyone had to report on what they were covering today. Charles assigned me to go with Isaac Imaka to cover the Africa Day of Civil Service and Public Administration.
The meeting/“workshop” was at the Hotel Africana and there were probably 200 Public Service officials (basically all sectors of the government) present. We were there from about 9:30 until 2 and then interviewed people afterwards to get their reactions to the proposals suggested. The keynote speaker was Dr. Aaron Mukwaya, a professor of Political Science at Makerere University. He talked about the importance of Ugandans returning to their traditional values and emphasized that Public Service is a state duty. Ugandans have a problem “mixing what is government and what is state,” he said. At the end , he said “I am not an Africanist. I’m an African who is writing on Africa.” I was inspired by him even though his speech didn’t end up being our primary focus in the article.
We took boda bodas back to the Monitor (my first boda boda ride of the summer) :) and pitched our angle to an editor. I had pages of notes on Mokwaya’s speech and the whole event, but the editor decided we should have 450 words and that was that.
It was fun to work with Isaac and interesting combining our ideas and writing styles and trying to do it as quickly as possible in order to meet our 5PM deadline. The writing style itself is very different here and some of the sentence structures and words in our article are counterintuitive to what I would have written if I was working alone.
We wrote the article in time and sent it in. I’m used to proofing and re-proofing but we didn’t even fully read it over before we sent it in. And that was that again. :)
Zoe and I bought bread and tomatoes on the way home. It’s been a challenge learning how to gauge grocery levels and know what quantities of everything we should buy at once.
We didn’t get home until after 6. Besides a bowl of cereal at 6AM, I hadn’t eaten anything beyond a piece of sweet bread and a cup of tea at the Hotel Africana. I was definitely hungry!
It was a long day but a good day. I feel like I saw and experienced so much since 5:30 this morning when Zoe’s alarm went off. I also feel more accepted and assimilated into the Monitor and am excited to get to know more of the people who work there.
And tomorrow I’ll have my first article in print!
Off to bed now. Getting up in the 5’s…
PS - Check out Zoe’s blog at zarichards.blogspot.com
It took us an hour and fifteen minutes to get to work on our first day. Turns out there’s a lot of traffic going into Kampala at 7:30AM and even though our taxi (matatu, packed van) driver tried valiantly to pass as many cars as possible on the side of the road before cutting back into the slow-moving traffic (and then repeating the process), it still took us 30 minutes to drive what should have taken 5.
At Monitor Publications, we met Charles (the political editor who has been our contact in setting up this internship) who introduced us around and then left us with a senior reporter while he finished up some work. The reporter gave us copies of the day’s paper and then took us upstairs to meet the feature editors and writers. Flora (the editor of the weekly section “Full Woman”) sent us into the library to read old copies of the paper and get a feel for the different sections. I read through December 2007 and it was interesting to read about Kenya’s last elections from a Ugandan perspective.
Later, we met with Carol, the Features Editor, and talked more about the daily inserts and the features sections. Charles introduced to some more people and then announced that today he was too busy to take us to HR so we could leave for the day.
It was 12:40 so Zoe and I grabbed lunch at a small Ethiopian restaurant ($2 each for a meal and soda) on our long walk back to Kabalagaba and then caught a taxi to the Super Supermarket (the only landmark we know near to our road).
Today we caught a ride with a neighbor who works in town. He leaves at 6:30AM and since we didn’t have to walk or sit in traffic, we were at work at 6:49. We don’t need to be there until the daily news meeting at 8:30, so we had some time to kill. Looks like we can either spend an hour and fifteen minutes walking/taking a taxi/walking some more each morning or catch a ride with Michael and get to work super early but then have some personal reading/writing time before work…for now, we’re going to go with the early trip.
Everyone comes into work and reads the day’s paper first thing. At 8:30 all of the reporters, editors, and photographers piled into the newsroom to discuss the day’s stories and compare them to the competing paper (New Vision). Charles led the meeting and had a smart perspective on every issue; I’m so impressed by him! After we went through the paper, everyone had to report on what they were covering today. Charles assigned me to go with Isaac Imaka to cover the Africa Day of Civil Service and Public Administration.
The meeting/“workshop” was at the Hotel Africana and there were probably 200 Public Service officials (basically all sectors of the government) present. We were there from about 9:30 until 2 and then interviewed people afterwards to get their reactions to the proposals suggested. The keynote speaker was Dr. Aaron Mukwaya, a professor of Political Science at Makerere University. He talked about the importance of Ugandans returning to their traditional values and emphasized that Public Service is a state duty. Ugandans have a problem “mixing what is government and what is state,” he said. At the end , he said “I am not an Africanist. I’m an African who is writing on Africa.” I was inspired by him even though his speech didn’t end up being our primary focus in the article.
We took boda bodas back to the Monitor (my first boda boda ride of the summer) :) and pitched our angle to an editor. I had pages of notes on Mokwaya’s speech and the whole event, but the editor decided we should have 450 words and that was that.
It was fun to work with Isaac and interesting combining our ideas and writing styles and trying to do it as quickly as possible in order to meet our 5PM deadline. The writing style itself is very different here and some of the sentence structures and words in our article are counterintuitive to what I would have written if I was working alone.
We wrote the article in time and sent it in. I’m used to proofing and re-proofing but we didn’t even fully read it over before we sent it in. And that was that again. :)
Zoe and I bought bread and tomatoes on the way home. It’s been a challenge learning how to gauge grocery levels and know what quantities of everything we should buy at once.
We didn’t get home until after 6. Besides a bowl of cereal at 6AM, I hadn’t eaten anything beyond a piece of sweet bread and a cup of tea at the Hotel Africana. I was definitely hungry!
It was a long day but a good day. I feel like I saw and experienced so much since 5:30 this morning when Zoe’s alarm went off. I also feel more accepted and assimilated into the Monitor and am excited to get to know more of the people who work there.
And tomorrow I’ll have my first article in print!
Off to bed now. Getting up in the 5’s…
PS - Check out Zoe’s blog at zarichards.blogspot.com
Sunday, June 21, 2009
My first weekend
The rain is falling on the metal roof and my favorite smell (rain on the hot dirt) fills the air. Across several miles of banana leaves and small communities, I can see Lake Victoria from the porch of my apartment – MY apartment! :) My first apartment is in Uganda.
Zoe and I arrived in Entebbe on Friday night and were met at the airport by Patrick and Penny. We drove the hour back to Kampala and Patrick dropped us all off at our apartment.
Zoe is also a sophomore (now junior) at Stanford and received the same fellowship that I did. She is originally from New York and is studying International Relations at Stanford. We met during the application process for our fellowship and decided to live together in Kampala.
Patrick runs a business here called Bridge Africa International which helps short-term mission groups with housing, transport, and logistics. I got in touch with him last February through the friend of a friend and now we’re renting our apartment from him.
Penny is Patrick’s niece. She’s 19 and is hoping to start at University in Kampala in August. She is sharing our apartment and Patrick calls her our “Ugandan guide.” She’s definitely been exactly that to us the last two days and been a huge help as we get settled.
Yesterday morning, Patrick came and helped us set up our computers up for the dial up internet we’ll be using while we’re here. Then he, Penny, Zoe, and I went into town (actually, the outskirts of town, we haven’t gone downtown yet).
First we went to the bank (where the man helping me with the ATM kept rushing me to push the buttons, and then when I finally made my selections and got my debit card back, he informed me that “if you take too long, the machine will chew it up.” “Oh,” I said). We then went to an MTN store and bought phones and then continued on to the market and the Super Supermarket (yes, that’s its name) for fresh food and groceries.
In many ways, Uganda is a lot like Kenya, and it’s weird feeling like I’m in Kenya, but then having it not be Kenya. I keep wanting to speak in Swahili but no one would understand me. I have also never been so aware of (and frustrated by) my “whiteness” and the automatic impressions and stereotypes that go with it. I was the only muzungu on the street most of the places we went, and even though I don’t speak Lugandan, I could hear everyone talking about me.
It’s funny too because everyone thinks that Zoe’s from Africa (until she talks) and that I’m from the US, and they are surprised to find out that it’s the other way around.
“You were born in Kenya?” they ask. “Yes,” I say. “Your family is in Kenya now?” they ask. “Yes,” I say. “Ahh, you are truly Kenyan then,” they say. I think I have had this same exchange with the same several people several times over.
At the market, we bought 1 pineapple, 5 carrots, 6 onions, 3 garlic heads, 3 green peppers, 8 tomatoes, 3 cucumbers, 2 avocados, 1 cabbage head, 2 stalks (stalks?) of sukumawiki, eleven potatoes, 5 passion fruits, 6 oranges, a small stalk of bananas, and a cup of beans for 13,000 shillings…which is about $6.50. I’m so excited for all of the fresh fruit and vegetables I’ll be eating this summer!
In the afternoon, we unpacked and settled into our apartment. The apartment is pretty bare, but all the basics in furniture and dishes are here, so it’s perfect. Downstairs there is a small kitchen and dining room/living room area and upstairs there are two bedrooms and a bathroom. Zoe and I are sharing a room and Penny has her own. There is also a little porch off our room where it is much cooler to sit than inside. The compound we are living in has a high gate all around it and a guard. There are also some (fierce) dogs with the guard at night, so we feel very safe. The compound is located at the top of a little hill and we have a beautiful view of the lake and countryside.
After we cooked and ate dinner last night, Zoe and I both did some writing and Penny watched TV. Penny says she always has to watch a soap opera before she sleeps. Turns out it’s a Mexican soap opera dubbed over in English. I think it might be one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen.
I stayed up “late” (until 12) :) sending emails because we seem to only be able to get on the internet in the early morning and late at night; most of the other times in the day there is no connection (and even when we do get on, the internet is really slow!)
Patrick offered to take us to his church and so this morning we walked to Patrick’s house (about 5 minutes away) and loaded in his van to for the 10 minute drive to Ggaba Community Church. The service was in both Lugandan and English and it was encouraging to worship together with so many Ugandan Christians. After the two hour service, we piled back in the van and drove back to Patrick’s house.
Patrick invited us for lunch and we had sweet potatoes, matoke, peas, chicken, sukumawiki, and fresh pineapple – all cooked in the traditional Ugandan way. It was delicious.
Patrick has a beautiful family. His wife’s name is Sarah and they have three small kids – Mark, Martha and Melanie. They are all so kind and generous and have shown us so much hospitality already. The kids have a lot of energy and it was fun to play with them and get to know them a little bit. Mark (who is 7) and I are going to have a football date sometime soon; he tells me he is “very good at football, especially scoring.” :)
Tomorrow is our first day of work at the Monitor. Patrick showed us where it is located when we were out yesterday. To get there, we’ll have to walk about 20 minutes down to one of the main roads and then catch a “taxi” (the same thing as a matatu in Kenya…basically a small, packed bus) until we get to Kabalagaba (which is a typical street with boutiques and cafes during the day and…the red light district at night) and then walk or take a boda boda another 30 minutes to the Monitor.
I’m nervous and excited to meet Charles tomorrow and find out more of what I’ll be doing this summer. I’m sure it will be an adventure!
Zoe and I arrived in Entebbe on Friday night and were met at the airport by Patrick and Penny. We drove the hour back to Kampala and Patrick dropped us all off at our apartment.
Zoe is also a sophomore (now junior) at Stanford and received the same fellowship that I did. She is originally from New York and is studying International Relations at Stanford. We met during the application process for our fellowship and decided to live together in Kampala.
Patrick runs a business here called Bridge Africa International which helps short-term mission groups with housing, transport, and logistics. I got in touch with him last February through the friend of a friend and now we’re renting our apartment from him.
Penny is Patrick’s niece. She’s 19 and is hoping to start at University in Kampala in August. She is sharing our apartment and Patrick calls her our “Ugandan guide.” She’s definitely been exactly that to us the last two days and been a huge help as we get settled.
Yesterday morning, Patrick came and helped us set up our computers up for the dial up internet we’ll be using while we’re here. Then he, Penny, Zoe, and I went into town (actually, the outskirts of town, we haven’t gone downtown yet).
First we went to the bank (where the man helping me with the ATM kept rushing me to push the buttons, and then when I finally made my selections and got my debit card back, he informed me that “if you take too long, the machine will chew it up.” “Oh,” I said). We then went to an MTN store and bought phones and then continued on to the market and the Super Supermarket (yes, that’s its name) for fresh food and groceries.
In many ways, Uganda is a lot like Kenya, and it’s weird feeling like I’m in Kenya, but then having it not be Kenya. I keep wanting to speak in Swahili but no one would understand me. I have also never been so aware of (and frustrated by) my “whiteness” and the automatic impressions and stereotypes that go with it. I was the only muzungu on the street most of the places we went, and even though I don’t speak Lugandan, I could hear everyone talking about me.
It’s funny too because everyone thinks that Zoe’s from Africa (until she talks) and that I’m from the US, and they are surprised to find out that it’s the other way around.
“You were born in Kenya?” they ask. “Yes,” I say. “Your family is in Kenya now?” they ask. “Yes,” I say. “Ahh, you are truly Kenyan then,” they say. I think I have had this same exchange with the same several people several times over.
At the market, we bought 1 pineapple, 5 carrots, 6 onions, 3 garlic heads, 3 green peppers, 8 tomatoes, 3 cucumbers, 2 avocados, 1 cabbage head, 2 stalks (stalks?) of sukumawiki, eleven potatoes, 5 passion fruits, 6 oranges, a small stalk of bananas, and a cup of beans for 13,000 shillings…which is about $6.50. I’m so excited for all of the fresh fruit and vegetables I’ll be eating this summer!
In the afternoon, we unpacked and settled into our apartment. The apartment is pretty bare, but all the basics in furniture and dishes are here, so it’s perfect. Downstairs there is a small kitchen and dining room/living room area and upstairs there are two bedrooms and a bathroom. Zoe and I are sharing a room and Penny has her own. There is also a little porch off our room where it is much cooler to sit than inside. The compound we are living in has a high gate all around it and a guard. There are also some (fierce) dogs with the guard at night, so we feel very safe. The compound is located at the top of a little hill and we have a beautiful view of the lake and countryside.
After we cooked and ate dinner last night, Zoe and I both did some writing and Penny watched TV. Penny says she always has to watch a soap opera before she sleeps. Turns out it’s a Mexican soap opera dubbed over in English. I think it might be one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen.
I stayed up “late” (until 12) :) sending emails because we seem to only be able to get on the internet in the early morning and late at night; most of the other times in the day there is no connection (and even when we do get on, the internet is really slow!)
Patrick offered to take us to his church and so this morning we walked to Patrick’s house (about 5 minutes away) and loaded in his van to for the 10 minute drive to Ggaba Community Church. The service was in both Lugandan and English and it was encouraging to worship together with so many Ugandan Christians. After the two hour service, we piled back in the van and drove back to Patrick’s house.
Patrick invited us for lunch and we had sweet potatoes, matoke, peas, chicken, sukumawiki, and fresh pineapple – all cooked in the traditional Ugandan way. It was delicious.
Patrick has a beautiful family. His wife’s name is Sarah and they have three small kids – Mark, Martha and Melanie. They are all so kind and generous and have shown us so much hospitality already. The kids have a lot of energy and it was fun to play with them and get to know them a little bit. Mark (who is 7) and I are going to have a football date sometime soon; he tells me he is “very good at football, especially scoring.” :)
Tomorrow is our first day of work at the Monitor. Patrick showed us where it is located when we were out yesterday. To get there, we’ll have to walk about 20 minutes down to one of the main roads and then catch a “taxi” (the same thing as a matatu in Kenya…basically a small, packed bus) until we get to Kabalagaba (which is a typical street with boutiques and cafes during the day and…the red light district at night) and then walk or take a boda boda another 30 minutes to the Monitor.
I’m nervous and excited to meet Charles tomorrow and find out more of what I’ll be doing this summer. I’m sure it will be an adventure!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
How to Write About Africa
Written by: Binyavanga Wainaina
First published in Granta 92: The View from Africa in Winter 2005.
http://www.granta.com/Magazine/92/How-to-Write-About-Africa?view=articleAllPages
Always use the word ‘Africa or ‘Darkness’ or ‘Safari’ in your title. Subtitles may include the words ‘Zanzibar’, ‘Masai’, ‘Zulu’, ‘Zambezi’, ‘Congo’, ‘Nile’, ‘Big’, ‘Sky, ‘Shadow’, ‘Drum’, ‘Sun’ or ‘Bygone’. Also useful are words such as ‘Guerrillas’, ‘Timeless’, ‘Primordial’ and ‘Tribal’. Note that ‘People’ means Africans who are not black, while ‘The People’ means black Africans.
Never have a picture of a well-adjusted African on the cover of your book, or in it, unless that African has won the Nobel Prize. An AK-47, prominent ribs, naked breasts: use these. If you must include an African, make sure you get one in Masai or Zulu or Dogon dress.
In your text, treat Africa as if it were one country. It is hot and dusty with rolling grasslands and huge herds of animals and tall, thin people who are starving. Or it is hot and steamy with very short people who eat primates. Don’t get bogged down with precise descriptions. Africa is big: fifty-four countries, 900 million people who are too busy starving and dying and warring and emigrating to read your book. The continent is full of deserts, jungles, highlands, savannahs and many other things, but your reader doesn’t care about all that, so keep your descriptions romantic and evocative and unparticular.
Make sure you show how Africans have music and rhythm deep in their souls, and eat things no other humans eat. Do not mention rice and beef and wheat; monkey-brain is an African’s cuisine of choice, along with goat, snake, worms and grubs and all manner of game meat. Make sure you show that you are able to eat such food without flinching, and describe how you learn to enjoy it because you care.
Taboo subjects: ordinary domestic scenes, love between Africans (unless a death is involved), references to African writers or intellectuals, mention of school-going children who are not suffering from yaws or Ebola fever or female genital mutilation.
Throughout the book, adopt a sotto voice, in conspiracy with the reader, and a sad I-expected-so-much tone. Establish early on that your liberalism is impeccable, and mention near the beginning how much you love Africa, how you fell in love with the place and can’t live without her. Africa is the only continent you can love take advantage of this. If you are a man, thrust yourself into her warm virgin forests. If you are a woman, treat Africa as a man who wears a bush jacket and disappears off into the sunset. Africa is to be pitied, worshipped or dominated. Whichever angle you take, be sure to leave the strong impression that without your intervention and your important book, Africa is doomed.
Your African characters may include naked warriors, loyal servants, diviners and seers, ancient wise men living in hermitic splendour. Or corrupt politicians, inept polygamous travel-guides, and prostitutes you have slept with. The Loyal Servant always behaves like a seven-year-old and needs a firm hand; he is scared of snakes, good with children, and always involving you in his complex domestic dramas. The Ancient Wise Man always comes from a noble tribe (not the money-grubbing tribes like the Gikuyu, the Igbo or the Shona). He has rheumy eyes and is close to the Earth. The Modern African is a fat man who steals and works in the visa office, refusing to give work permits to qualified Westerners who really care about Africa. He is an enemy of development, always using his government job to make it difficult for pragmatic and good-hearted expats to set up NGOs or Legal Conservation Areas. Or he is an Oxford-educated intellectual turned serial-killing politician in a Savile Row suit. He is a cannibal who likes Cristal champagne, and his mother is a rich witch-doctor who really runs the country.
Among your characters you must always include The Starving African, who wanders the refugee camp nearly naked, and waits for the benevolence of the West. Her children have flies on their eyelids and pot bellies, and her breasts are flat and empty. She must look utterly helpless. She can have no past, no history; such diversions ruin the dramatic moment. Moans are good. She must never say anything about herself in the dialogue except to speak of her (unspeakable) suffering. Also be sure to include a warm and motherly woman who has a rolling laugh and who is concerned for your well-being. Just call her Mama. Her children are all delinquent. These characters should buzz around your main hero, making him look good. Your hero can teach them, bathe them, feed them; he carries lots of babies and has seen Death. Your hero is you (if reportage), or a beautiful, tragic international celebrity/aristocrat who now cares for animals (if fiction).
Bad Western characters may include children of Tory cabinet ministers, Afrikaners, employees of the World Bank. When talking about exploitation by foreigners mention the Chinese and Indian traders. Blame the West for Africa’s situation. But do not be too specific.
Broad brushstrokes throughout are good. Avoid having the African characters laugh, or struggle to educate their kids, or just make do in mundane circumstances. Have them illuminate something about Europe or America in Africa. African characters should be colourful, exotic, larger than life but empty inside, with no dialogue, no conflicts or resolutions in their stories, no depth or quirks to confuse the cause.
Describe, in detail, naked breasts (young, old, conservative, recently raped, big, small) or mutilated genitals, or enhanced genitals. Or any kind of genitals. And dead bodies. Or, better, naked dead bodies. And especially rotting naked dead bodies. Remember, any work you submit in which people look filthy and miserable will be referred to as the ‘real Africa’, and you want that on your dust jacket. Do not feel queasy about this: you are trying to help them to get aid from the West. The biggest taboo in writing about Africa is to describe or show dead or suffering white people.
Animals, on the other hand, must be treated as well rounded, complex characters. They speak (or grunt while tossing their manes proudly) and have names, ambitions and desires. They also have family values: see how lions teach their children? Elephants are caring, and are good feminists or dignified patriarchs. So are gorillas. Never, ever say anything negative about an elephant or a gorilla. Elephants may attack people’s property, destroy their crops, and even kill them. Always take the side of the elephant. Big cats have public-school accents. Hyenas are fair game and have vaguely Middle Eastern accents. Any short Africans who live in the jungle or desert may be portrayed with good humour (unless they are in conflict with an elephant or chimpanzee or gorilla, in which case they are pure evil).
After celebrity activists and aid workers, conservationists are Africa’s most important people. Do not offend them. You need them to invite you to their 30,000-acre game ranch or ‘conservation area’, and this is the only way you will get to interview the celebrity activist. Often a book cover with a heroic-looking conservationist on it works magic for sales. Anybody white, tanned and wearing khaki who once had a pet antelope or a farm is a conservationist, one who is preserving Africa’s rich heritage. When interviewing him or her, do not ask how much funding they have; do not ask how much money they make off their game. Never ask how much they pay their employees.
Readers will be put off if you don’t mention the light in Africa. And sunsets, the African sunset is a must. It is always big and red. There is always a big sky. Wide empty spaces and game are critical Africa is the Land of Wide Empty Spaces. When writing about the plight of flora and fauna, make sure you mention that Africa is overpopulated. When your main character is in a desert or jungle living with indigenous peoples (anybody short) it is okay to mention that Africa has been severely depopulated by Aids and War (use caps).
You’ll also need a nightclub called Tropicana, where mercenaries, evil nouveau riche Africans and prostitutes and guerrillas and expats hang out.
Always end your book with Nelson Mandela saying something about rainbows or renaissances. Because you care.
First published in Granta 92: The View from Africa in Winter 2005.
http://www.granta.com/Magazine/92/How-to-Write-About-Africa?view=articleAllPages
Always use the word ‘Africa or ‘Darkness’ or ‘Safari’ in your title. Subtitles may include the words ‘Zanzibar’, ‘Masai’, ‘Zulu’, ‘Zambezi’, ‘Congo’, ‘Nile’, ‘Big’, ‘Sky, ‘Shadow’, ‘Drum’, ‘Sun’ or ‘Bygone’. Also useful are words such as ‘Guerrillas’, ‘Timeless’, ‘Primordial’ and ‘Tribal’. Note that ‘People’ means Africans who are not black, while ‘The People’ means black Africans.
Never have a picture of a well-adjusted African on the cover of your book, or in it, unless that African has won the Nobel Prize. An AK-47, prominent ribs, naked breasts: use these. If you must include an African, make sure you get one in Masai or Zulu or Dogon dress.
In your text, treat Africa as if it were one country. It is hot and dusty with rolling grasslands and huge herds of animals and tall, thin people who are starving. Or it is hot and steamy with very short people who eat primates. Don’t get bogged down with precise descriptions. Africa is big: fifty-four countries, 900 million people who are too busy starving and dying and warring and emigrating to read your book. The continent is full of deserts, jungles, highlands, savannahs and many other things, but your reader doesn’t care about all that, so keep your descriptions romantic and evocative and unparticular.
Make sure you show how Africans have music and rhythm deep in their souls, and eat things no other humans eat. Do not mention rice and beef and wheat; monkey-brain is an African’s cuisine of choice, along with goat, snake, worms and grubs and all manner of game meat. Make sure you show that you are able to eat such food without flinching, and describe how you learn to enjoy it because you care.
Taboo subjects: ordinary domestic scenes, love between Africans (unless a death is involved), references to African writers or intellectuals, mention of school-going children who are not suffering from yaws or Ebola fever or female genital mutilation.
Throughout the book, adopt a sotto voice, in conspiracy with the reader, and a sad I-expected-so-much tone. Establish early on that your liberalism is impeccable, and mention near the beginning how much you love Africa, how you fell in love with the place and can’t live without her. Africa is the only continent you can love take advantage of this. If you are a man, thrust yourself into her warm virgin forests. If you are a woman, treat Africa as a man who wears a bush jacket and disappears off into the sunset. Africa is to be pitied, worshipped or dominated. Whichever angle you take, be sure to leave the strong impression that without your intervention and your important book, Africa is doomed.
Your African characters may include naked warriors, loyal servants, diviners and seers, ancient wise men living in hermitic splendour. Or corrupt politicians, inept polygamous travel-guides, and prostitutes you have slept with. The Loyal Servant always behaves like a seven-year-old and needs a firm hand; he is scared of snakes, good with children, and always involving you in his complex domestic dramas. The Ancient Wise Man always comes from a noble tribe (not the money-grubbing tribes like the Gikuyu, the Igbo or the Shona). He has rheumy eyes and is close to the Earth. The Modern African is a fat man who steals and works in the visa office, refusing to give work permits to qualified Westerners who really care about Africa. He is an enemy of development, always using his government job to make it difficult for pragmatic and good-hearted expats to set up NGOs or Legal Conservation Areas. Or he is an Oxford-educated intellectual turned serial-killing politician in a Savile Row suit. He is a cannibal who likes Cristal champagne, and his mother is a rich witch-doctor who really runs the country.
Among your characters you must always include The Starving African, who wanders the refugee camp nearly naked, and waits for the benevolence of the West. Her children have flies on their eyelids and pot bellies, and her breasts are flat and empty. She must look utterly helpless. She can have no past, no history; such diversions ruin the dramatic moment. Moans are good. She must never say anything about herself in the dialogue except to speak of her (unspeakable) suffering. Also be sure to include a warm and motherly woman who has a rolling laugh and who is concerned for your well-being. Just call her Mama. Her children are all delinquent. These characters should buzz around your main hero, making him look good. Your hero can teach them, bathe them, feed them; he carries lots of babies and has seen Death. Your hero is you (if reportage), or a beautiful, tragic international celebrity/aristocrat who now cares for animals (if fiction).
Bad Western characters may include children of Tory cabinet ministers, Afrikaners, employees of the World Bank. When talking about exploitation by foreigners mention the Chinese and Indian traders. Blame the West for Africa’s situation. But do not be too specific.
Broad brushstrokes throughout are good. Avoid having the African characters laugh, or struggle to educate their kids, or just make do in mundane circumstances. Have them illuminate something about Europe or America in Africa. African characters should be colourful, exotic, larger than life but empty inside, with no dialogue, no conflicts or resolutions in their stories, no depth or quirks to confuse the cause.
Describe, in detail, naked breasts (young, old, conservative, recently raped, big, small) or mutilated genitals, or enhanced genitals. Or any kind of genitals. And dead bodies. Or, better, naked dead bodies. And especially rotting naked dead bodies. Remember, any work you submit in which people look filthy and miserable will be referred to as the ‘real Africa’, and you want that on your dust jacket. Do not feel queasy about this: you are trying to help them to get aid from the West. The biggest taboo in writing about Africa is to describe or show dead or suffering white people.
Animals, on the other hand, must be treated as well rounded, complex characters. They speak (or grunt while tossing their manes proudly) and have names, ambitions and desires. They also have family values: see how lions teach their children? Elephants are caring, and are good feminists or dignified patriarchs. So are gorillas. Never, ever say anything negative about an elephant or a gorilla. Elephants may attack people’s property, destroy their crops, and even kill them. Always take the side of the elephant. Big cats have public-school accents. Hyenas are fair game and have vaguely Middle Eastern accents. Any short Africans who live in the jungle or desert may be portrayed with good humour (unless they are in conflict with an elephant or chimpanzee or gorilla, in which case they are pure evil).
After celebrity activists and aid workers, conservationists are Africa’s most important people. Do not offend them. You need them to invite you to their 30,000-acre game ranch or ‘conservation area’, and this is the only way you will get to interview the celebrity activist. Often a book cover with a heroic-looking conservationist on it works magic for sales. Anybody white, tanned and wearing khaki who once had a pet antelope or a farm is a conservationist, one who is preserving Africa’s rich heritage. When interviewing him or her, do not ask how much funding they have; do not ask how much money they make off their game. Never ask how much they pay their employees.
Readers will be put off if you don’t mention the light in Africa. And sunsets, the African sunset is a must. It is always big and red. There is always a big sky. Wide empty spaces and game are critical Africa is the Land of Wide Empty Spaces. When writing about the plight of flora and fauna, make sure you mention that Africa is overpopulated. When your main character is in a desert or jungle living with indigenous peoples (anybody short) it is okay to mention that Africa has been severely depopulated by Aids and War (use caps).
You’ll also need a nightclub called Tropicana, where mercenaries, evil nouveau riche Africans and prostitutes and guerrillas and expats hang out.
Always end your book with Nelson Mandela saying something about rainbows or renaissances. Because you care.
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